The husband and I have been married for a little less than 2 years. Married life in general has been pretty decent with work commitments taking most of our times on weekdays and weekends immersed in night drives, sleepovers and socials! We have been set so much in a routine that our plate is full at the moment and it makes us lose the track of time. Before we realize, we are already heading towards our 2nd anniversary! A feat in itself. Not that I have second opinions about marriage. It is a beautiful institution to formalize your love and the Husband is the best wish life has ever granted me with!
But the cause of worry is the rate at which time is flying. Just the other day, someone asked me about when I am planning to give the “good news”. I was stumped! In India, sex may surely be a taboo subject to be discussed in public, but subtle hints of the reproduction system and its result (yeah, babies!) is a topic everyone is interested in! 😆 Once you are married, people start speculating the right time for you to have a baby! It seems to fall in place like marriage at a particular age, and baby news after the 1st anniversary. As if your life is a calendar and the events have to occur exactly like months and seasons. I have even seen people asking this question to the couple on the day of their wedding. Imagine the couple’s plight! They have just taken a step to the new life and are already bombarded with such questions 😆
Not that I haven’t given a thought about starting a family. The husband and me, both adore kids. I am not sure about my maternal instincts but I am definite, he will make a great father. But all in due course. All this seems too early at the moment. We have our set of priorities and dreams to be accomplished only after which we may decide to parent a child, which may even take a couple of years or so. I think it is a decent time frame considering we both have our respective careers to take care of and also because I am still a considerable time away from the BIG 30. Reading all this may make you feel that I am level headed and very clear with my thoughts as to what I want and when. I would love to be like that, but I am the one who may be fit enough to define indecisiveness and confusion. 😳 I am really not sure when and what will I feel when I have the maternal instinct in me which will tell me: Here is your right time. For now, I am just taking one day at a time!
Whenever I discuss this with my friends, some of them are as confused and as undecided as I am. However, there are others who also believe that the earlier, the better. Who defines when the time is ‘right’? I know majority of them are only well-wishers who want you to have a baby before you age, so that the complications are less (or so do they believe) But why should having a baby be made to feel as a ‘task’ to be accomplished. For me, it is much more than that. I know I am not domestic enough to say this, but I strongly believe that my baby will be the center of my universe (just like any other mother would feel). I plan to pamper myself spoilt when I am expecting. No crazy night outs, no erratic lifestyle, just a calm, serene and stress-free being! See, it means much more than just a goal. And Mr. Husband! Oh, he himself is still an errant kid! And I don’t think I have the strength and will to handle two kids!!
Jokes apart, there have been cases of pregnancies being complicated when delayed but there are almost equal number of couples who face problems when trying to conceive even when they are well before the ‘right time’. No one is really to be blamed when they are not successful. There may be medical reasons for the same, but the nosy neighbors and namesake society just need reasons to play a blame game, further aggravating the stress these unsuccessful couples face! Generally, newlyweds give in to the societal pressures to save themselves the trauma of ‘what if’ and go for the next big step that is expected of them. Many times the question lost in all this is whether they are really ready? Are they willing to give up their erratic lifestyles and welcome a little one? Have they made enough space for their life to be shared? Or are they just giving in to the pressure and going for the easier route?! 😳
I DO NOT intend to demean someone who may be willing to have a kid at an early stage in their life. If they are comfortable then why not? My entire point being the decision should be their own. The ‘right time’ should be decided and defined by themselves with mutual consent and no one else. There are no rules to be followed. When you are comfortable, medically fit and parenting is considered, it actually is the right moment for the big leap in your life.