My COVID 19 story – Part 2!

….continued from Part 1 here

Then started the days of unending oxygen measurements, temperature checks, x-ray reports, popping pills, taking steam, kadha, turmeric milk and updating the ever worried family about vitals! It was not so much of a task as was being packed in one room was. Still, I thank my stars that I didn’t have to go away at some quarantine facility. Also, Mr. husband was around so at least I could have a look at him from a distance and talk to him with a mask on! Such days!

Some days the breathlessness and the weakness would make me cry and other days, it was like any other day, except in the confinement of a room! Although, the weakness was a constant companion, other things would come and go. I had accepted it decently and even laughed about it when I lost my sense of smell on the 4th day!

By far, the toughest part about this, wasn’t the virus itself, but the pain of staying away from family! The little one, for the first time in 4 years was away from me, and I did not know for how many days! He would always love spending days away, playing with his cousins, but as it started to night and close to sleep time, he always wanted to come back home! He even missed his house when we would be out on trips! But this time, when i was packing his bags and sending him away, I just told him once, “People here are not well, so you are going to Nanu’s place for a vacation. Mumma will not be there since she has to take care of Dadi, Dada and Papa here, will you please sleep without me for some days?” (I still hadn’t contracted it when we had sent him away) And my pride that he is, replied, “Don’t worry mumma, if Mama makes me sleep in his lap and tells me a story, I will sleep. But please bring me back home once the lockdown is over!” This, right here, was a single sentence which made me proud and still made me weep for the next fortnight!

Obviously, he was taken care of by rockstars; his nanu, nani, mama and by the best, mami! He had the company of his cousin the whole day, little Divit who would share all his toys, and heck! even his parents with his Yug bhai! Still, the level of maturity my little one had shown in such a young age surprised all my beliefs in him! My pride, always! Well, I even gave myself the credit of bringing him up well! My chest swells with honour when I think about my little boy, adjusting well, away from his house, his comfort zone! I would break down and weep each time I saw his picture or did a video call to him, but he stayed strong! To others, this may sound mundane and even an over-reaction , but to mothers, this may be understood well! 

A pandemic can be only fought with the support of the family! People these days can barely take care of the ones that stay with. But God has blessed me with an abundant extended family! Nutritious home cooked meals would be delivered daily to the doorstep! Food for mother in law in the hospitals, her medicines and treatment was managed and coordinated by the sister in law and her God-send husband; who would not once think about compromising his immunity and was always a phone call away whenever the need arose. These trying times made me believe in the institution of an extended family in a whole new light! Being part of a huge family doesn’t only mean sharing a surname or occasional social gatherings; rather it means standing with one another in times of crisis!

And now, when I look back at all those days of sufferings and fighting the virus, all I can be is thankful that we are out of it unscathed. It is more of a mental pressure to contract it rather than a physical one. I have promised myself to let loose a little, take precautions but at the same time not take this thing to the head and try to move on with it as the part of our new life. I now go for walks, drives and even take the little one to play downstairs. Obviously with a mask on and to a place which is not crowded with people. We did not do this before. We were super cautious and scared. May be, the negativity we attached to this thing attracted it to us in the first place. We avoided people, even the ones who were close to us, but they were the ones who helped us during this phase! The virus will come and go, but the relationships are here, to stay, forever. Let us try and not spoil those and our mental health as well.

My COVID 19 story!

PROLOGUE

July 7
A very cautious and extraordinary precautionary person gets the bug. Everyone dismisses it saying, “Oh you have hardly stepped out, it’s probably a viral fever”. Still, as an added precaution, self quarantined for 2 days until the fever disappears.

July 9.
No fever on day 3. Out in the open. As in, the house. Hello, COVID still roaming around. Medications still on. Normal life resumed except for a ear blockage and mild cough cold, all of which was dismissed by everyone as seasonal flu! How can he contract?! He’s the cautious of them all!

July 10-12
Loss of smell and taste, worsens. Ear blockage doesn’t go away. Mom and dad start showing some initial signs. Cough, cold for one, and weakness for the other one. Finally, time to stop on call consultations and see a doctor.

July 13
Doctor prescribes medicines. Says everything are COVID symptoms. The worst has passed. Still quarantining for a week advisable and the little one to be sent away to his Nanu’s house.

July 14
The best decision made. Yug sent on a vacation at Nanu’s house. For the first time away for a night out. Optimistically, because that’s what life is, packed just a couple of days clothes! Who knew that this was just a tip of the iceberg. Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost.

So, it was 3 people quarantined in 3 different rooms of the house and now just I was left. Waiting, praying and serving the assumed affected ones. Because you can assume the best till you test.

And now it begins….

It started with feeling uneasy and getting a fever.

It had been a couple of days of serving food and stuff to mild symptomatic and asymptomatic husband, mother in law and father in law.

Irresistible that I am, despite of the precautions taken, the bugger got me.

COVID 19. Naam to suna hoga!

Finally, when the weakness got worst, mom had to be admitted to the hospital. Her COVID reports tested positive.

We had to get my reports too because the fever did not subside. Now, I had a typhoid according to the blood tests done, but since I already had contact with a COVID infected person, I had to get my swab test done, too. A procedure where you feel you will gag till you puke when they test the back of your throat. That’s not all, they even drive the swab up your nostrils. I felt that the swab will pop up out of my eyes!

Gosh! Surprise! My reports were positive too! Such a cry fest ahead! Kept searching Google for typhoid+covid! We kept on contemplating whether to isolate me at home or at a quarantine facility! Or a hospital in case my oxygen wavers and I need support. But thankfully, things were good at that end. So with a backup plan, we decided isolation at home!

To be continued……..

(In)Human Beings

A pandemic couldn’t. Staying in self quarantine with a super active 4 year old couldn’t. Helpless and sorry state of migrant labourers couldn’t. The questionable humanitarian crisis in India couldn’t.
But an act of inhumanity against a pregnant and starving elephant did it! Irked me enough to come out of my self confined sabbatical from my blog.

Over the years, I have mellowed down. So much that acts of brutality, rapes, wars come and go as news. They stir me, I keep on thinking about it for days, but I am too immune to be venting out on them as I once did. May be the anger is as much as before, but my expressing it with my writing has supressed itself. May be, because I have given up hope, may be because I could not care less about voicing up my opinion. And may be, because amongst all the other things, I don’t want to scream and shout about it; I shed a silent tear and let the agony pass!

But this time it didn’t happen. The voice in my head refused to die down. Why are we even calling ourselves humans? Is the question haunting me again and again?! Seriously, what are we thinking? Feeding crackers to elephants? Why? Has all logic and the so called human gift – the brain, gone for a toss? Are we not suffering enough with the consumption of every walking thing (read: China’s taste buds) and mother nature gifting us this wonderful coronavirus; that we want Karma to blow us up again?! Oh dear God, we will not even find place in hell if we continue such harshness! And don’t please tell me that the cracker laden pineapple wasn’t for the elephant, instead it was for the wild boars!! Why? Because they are non living beings.?

For that matter, I am even questioning myself about the Kerela trip we took years ago, riding an elephant and having an elephant shower for the love of my little one! What was I thinking? Sadly, even I am a tiny part of this inhuman tribe!

And then comes the elephant in the room?! Do you love animals enough to get angry about this barbaric act?! Yes you do! There are Facebook posts and instagram stories that prove you do! Then why, in the name of God, cannot you put down the piece of chicken from your biryani?! Why can’t you let eggs hatch in the farm and grow up?! Why can’t you let cows graze in the meadows and not in your plates?! Why can’t the pigs get dirty in the pigsty instead of the pork gravy that you prepare?! Don’t tell me you are sad with the fate that the elephant has met and go on munching your KFC buffalo wings! Do not tell me that you love your pet dog but a mutton biriyani is something you can’t live without! This is it! This is the hypocrisy that will bring an end to the world, I am sure! Please don’t publish, “every life matters” and go on munching your chicken lollipops. Please don’t ask me to sign petitions against animal cruelty when you are dreaming of the cold weather and your hot anda bhurji.

Someone commented on a facebook post about how nature is such that animals eats animals! And they had the nerve to compare human beings to lions and cheetahs! I guess they left the basic logic behind about how the latters are predators and hunt for a living but human beings, with innovation and a little bit of common sense can strive without killing other beings! The food we choose is our ‘choice’ and not need! We eat animals not to satisfy our hunger, but to satiate our taste buds!

Hypocrisy, thy name is mankind, or should I say (in)human beings!

PS: this is a vent out. I do not aim to tarnish or target non vegetarians! I am not preaching veganism too. But yes, if my post does shake your love for living beings on your plate, I have done my bit. If it questions you food choices and you consider letting some beings be alive, I would be glad!

A bagful of memories!

Yesterday my mom sent me a bag full of my old stuff from the attic! She is in full Diwali cleaning mode where I can imagine her with extra hands sprouting out from her back and multitasking like it is her life’s aim to declutter! She didn’t know what to do with my extra stuff that she found silly and useless so sent it over to me to discard!

But that is not what this post is about! What I found in the bag were long lost greetings, photos, wilted flowers amidst lyrics-written notebooks, slam books (remember them?), college magazines and a hand written book of quotes! All this and more dated back to 2002 and later! Memories of more than 15 years ago! I even had note written greetings from my then boyfriend (who is now my husband!) He couldn’t stop laughing when he read his own notes! In the age of Google quotes search, this was as lame as it could get! The pictures were lame too… but still as true as they can be (read: unfiltered). The feeling of cherishing the years that went by, reviving old days, laughing most of the time and crying silently for friends whom we lost touch with… It was one of the best Saturday nights spent! The company that memories give you, are often unmatchable!

But what hit me the hardest was that this feeling of elation, the emotions of going through old hand written notes, of wilted flowers in between notebooks… will never be experienced by the current generation! In the age of smartphones, where Instagram, Facebook and Tinder have a major role in a teenager’s life…using filters for photographs, forgetting the real self is a daily chore now! Why, people even ‘pose’ for candid pictures! How will they ever know that sepia-tainted hardcopy of photographs can evoke so many lost emotions?! Children today might never know what it is to doodle in textbooks while in middle of a boring lecture! They are busy whatsapping jokes on the professor behind the desks. The internet has so many choices open, that it might not interest them to maintain a handwritten copy of favourite quotations. The songs aren’t much meaningful and writing them in books for their lyrics is so mediocre…one click and it is all there! Who wants to waste time in noting important events down? Facebook memories does that for us!

Technology does play an inevitable role in our lives. But it has made us forget the simple joys that we have grown up with! It has added layers to our emotions and our personalities…so much that it is sometimes even difficult for me to differentiate between what is real and what is made up! How can I expect my child to know that better?! He will grow up amidst this technological chaos and all I can do is try and imbibe some of my childhood in him! So that he gets to smile on his memories made after a decade and cherish them like I did!

Guilt : A mother’s free gift!

When I am a stay-at-home mom, I am guilty because I don’t go to work, don’t help in supporting the family and can’t be financially independent …

When I am a working mom, I feel guilty because I have to trust someone to take care of my child in my absence…be it a nanny or a family member! I am guilty because I can’t be actively involved in his school activities..I can’t always drop him in school and feel the longing for me….I can’t always pick him up and see his face glow radiantly on seeing me after school!

When my kid has an insect bite, I feel guilty because I must not have taken adequate precautions…. Why did I not make him wear full sleeves…? Didn’t I have enough brains to apply a generous amount of mosquito repellent?!

When my kid catches a cold….I feel guilty because how could I not see it coming? How did I let him have that piece of Ice cream seeing the craving on his face… Seeing the wide grin dancing on his lips when the piece melted in his mouth! Why did I let him enjoy so much in the pool when he went crazy laughing and frolicking because that is where he always wanted to be!

When my kid doesn’t have a hearty meal…I feel guilty because I might not have tried enough…I might not have made it according to his taste!

Guilt….this is a free gift moms are born with! Only if we could be a little more easy on ourselves…we would even be gifted with some peace of mind! This guilt… only adds up to the existing paranoia! It makes us vulnerable and in need of constant appreciation for the best that we are! God bless moms!

A heartfelt letter…

Dear mom of a new born,

• I know, you have been waiting for this day since you saw the two pink lines on your pregnancy kit…
• I know, now that you have your kid beside you…you are amidst a riot of emotions…
• I know, that the emotions are not only happy ones…they are accompanied by pain and confusion too!
• I know, there may be times when all you want to do is shut the curtains tight and sleep for 100 hours straight…
• I know, there might be a while when you don’t want to clean poop or feed or do just anything motherly!
• I know, there are sleepless nights spent and secret tears shed when the baby won’t stop crying and you do not know the reason why!
• I know, that the beautiful long hair that was your pride once is now reduced to a messy bun and you couldn’t care less!
• I know, once in a couple of days when you see the mirror, you see a tired shadow of yourself waving back at you!
• I know, you ache to go back to the computer and your work desk and miss applauds from your team…
• I know, it has been ages when you had a slow meal without a worry on your mind about the kid waking up…
• I know, you feel helpless, worthless and sometimes the feeling creeps in that whatever you do will never be enough…

But this, my love is a phase. A tiring, confusing and sometimes depressing phase! At the end, it will be all worth it! Believe me when I say this, because…

• There will be times when he looks at you with love so pure you will want the time to stop.
• You will swell with pride when he learns to turn around and crawl and walk and blabber.
• You will be the first one to experience these milestones and then know why being a stay-at-home mom is not so bad after all.
• The squishy hugs when he gives in the mornings after waking up will fill you with happiness so profound that no remuneration in the world will match those.
• The goofy smiles and the loud laughs that he echoes your house with, will give you a feel of sunshine residing in with you!
• Seeing him sleeping sound, in the blanket with you, his face satisfied and smiling in his sleep, will make you feel blessed.
• Feeling the little miracle growing up… Counting days to his first birthday will make you realize… Wow! I created this masterpiece!

Agreed, days may seem never ending and tiring! Agreed, the person you were yesterday might not be the person you are tomorrow, but never feel worthless because even when the little one stirs amidst deep sleep, all he would be looking for is your warmth before he can go back to sleeping soundly! That is how irreplaceable you are!! Take a bow and brace yourself for the biggest adventure in your life.

Kindest Regards,

Mom of a one year old!

The day that changed my life forever!

4 Feb 2016. 2.43 PM. The moment that changed my life, forever. The moment he announced his arrival wailing so loudly that it woke me up from my subdued state and replaced the frown of anxiety with a huge plastered grin on my face.

But before that, let’s rewind some glorious moments that I experienced before the tiny being decide to show up.

For all the nine months I was petrified that I wouldn’t know how a contraction would feel like. I was always paranoid of being wheeled into the OT just because I missed listening to the signs that would lead to his arrival. I am generally an anxious being, the doctor would swear by it. I pestered them with queries and confusions on every visit. All the consulting sessions did mostly end with a “what happened if” query and the doctor subtly telling me “we’ll see when that happens, for now you and the baby are perfectly fine” Talk about paranoia! Hmph!

So finally when the time came, I was hit by a force that I wouldn’t have ever imagined. So now I know what a contraction was! Unexplainable. I went to the hospital. Apparently it wasn’t time yet! Until you can bear it, it isn’t time yet, yes that’s the nurses’ version! The kicks were getting stronger and frequent before an adamant me dragged Mr husband to the hospital again, in the middle of the night!

I went to the hospital thrice before the doc was convinced about admitting me! The little excited being was dancing and kicking in all glory inside giving me all the contractions I wouldn’t have ever dreamed of! Seeing his eagerness, the doctor, wasn’t keen to wait further. She burst the water bag, giving him cue to start coming out. A normal check up in the morning and before I know, the nurses informed me that the kid will be out before evening! Was I prepared? Not remotely! The whole 9 months I knew this day was near but nothing ever gave me the fright that morning did! The adrenaline rush and the nervous excitement didn’t let me think straight! Was it painful? Let’s say I would give a mouthful to anyone who would instruct me to stay calm! Mr Husband was subject to maximum of my yells.

Finally after 6 hours of being admitted and a whole 20 hours of contractions, he was here! The one who is sent purely for teaching me what responsibility is! The little life that lies beside me, with those tiny fingers and toes, pink lips and a button nose is here to teach me what patience is. And also what unconditional trust and love means. How can a person give you smile amidst all the pains and screams and how you would want nothing but to hold the bundle in your arms!

Let’s get your hands together for my baby, Yug!

PS: it took me over 4 months to introduce him, but the bunch of awesomeness that he is, took his own sweet time to let the overwhelmed feeling subdue before I could pen down his arrival!

An ode to the thankful life I lead…

Hello all! The blog sees me after almost half a year. But I am very much here. A silent reader and a hidden lurker. There was so much happening with me in the past year that I was too overwhelmed to pen it down. The year was the most eventful year in my life, to say the least.

Last year showed me what destiny means when my brother emerged as a winner after battling a near fatal accident. Nights and nights of praying and crying made me believe strongly in what karma is, like never before. And now,when I see him living life fully as he always used to do… The days in hospital seem like a long ago nightmare. But the memories are always there, haunting and making you shudder. Guess that is something which will always push us to live each day fully, as you’re never aware what tomorrow has in store. I tend to turn a little philosophical when I remember those days. Nonetheless, a year to that day, and we are here, smiling as ever before, counting our blessings and thanking our stars.

Last year the accident also coincided with me conceiving a little life. Almost a fortnight after the dreadful day, I came to know I was carrying a little miracle inside me. Initially the news swept me off my feet. Now I knew that all those days of backaches and fatigue weren’t just due to the frequent hospital visits, but due to the pregnancy too! The exhilaration was soon replaced by dread as I was paranoid that the depressing nights and constant bouts of worrying may have adversely affected the foetus. That was the first thing I asked the doctor! To my relief she said that I was in very early stages of pregnancy during the phase and the kid would be out of danger from those events.

Then began the most exciting phase of my life. I had an awesome pregnancy with all the pampering i received and the happiness seeing my brother recovering at a great speed. My first kid and the kid inside me, both were the major contributors of my happiness in the year gone by. Nine months passed in a haze with all the cravings satisfied, eating without a care of bulging like a football, discovering the strength I never knew my body contained and giving birth to a little bundle of joy I ever believed I could love more than myself. 

There was a little twist during my pregnancy as well. As they say, what’s life without a little spice. There was the brother’s wedding scheduled which almost coincided with my delivery due date. I kept on rolling my eyes thinking about what perfect timing is when my to-be kid is always coinciding with major events in my brother’s life…their paths kept on crossing even before he was born! Nevertheless, the optimistic soul that I sometimes am, I went ahead and stitched myself a beautiful princess outfit for the brother’s wedding. Of course, I knew that I might not get to wear it at all if the baby has a plan to welcome the world early! Also, if I did get to wear it, I would very much look like a whale, owning to the huge belly! Nonetheless too excited that I was, I went ahead! And surprise surprise! Not only did I get to attend the wedding, but I was even looking as a pretty (pregnant) princess if I can say so for myself! The glow that the little one inside me gave me was unmatchable!

5 days after the wedding, We welcomed our son through a normal delivery and I was over the moon. The contractions were difficult, but labour was fairly simpler. For all the expecting first time mommies out there, our body has an amazing ability that actually makes you enjoy childbirth! All you need is conviction and loads of will power! Of course, a super awesome spouse and a great family makes things easier by leaps! 

So, here’s a big thank you and a shout out to the blessed life we live! Everyone of us has problems and situations to deal with … But when we sit and count our blessings, we will know we have much more than others can just dream of! 

On that note, I hope to return to the consistency of the blog I once had! 

As the year ends….

… I come back for the last post of the year after a looooong hiatus! Eons later, when I want to recollect about the most momentous year in my life….I have to have it documented somewhere! And when it comes to documenting, there’s nothing better than one of my loves – my dearest blog which I have easily managed to ignore for some months now.

Giving myself some relief from the grief of not posting on my beloved blog, I might blame my pregnancy brain acting against my interests! Yes! I am on my way to mommy hood and have had zero inclinations to write a post and do anything remotely connected to blogging. Even reading books has slowed down because I simply don’t feel like doing it! I so wanted to scream when Paris was subjected to attacks, wanted to shriek in disgust when Salman Khan was acquitted in the hit and run case, wanted to yell when they found the dead body of Alan Kurdi, wanted to offer condolences and more about the Chennai Floods…all this and more…but I didn’t! I kept praying and even killing some people in my head, but my rants had subdued, I couldn’t bring myself to document these events on my blog. I couldn’t care less to let people know my opinion. I am even finding it a little difficult to muster up the will to write this one! But still, here we go….

There has to be more than one highlight to this year!  The first one being the awesome recuperation of The Brother after the near fatal accident and other one being my pregnancy. Coincidently, both of it happened at the same time. And these are more or less the happenings that made 2015 the most significant year of my life till date. And before my pregnancy brain messes up with this post, I am going to stick on to both of these exactly.

The Brother’s accident was the most horrific event that I have personally witnessed in this lifetime. I have even published a time travels series on that. It still manages to make me shudder and cry when I re read those. But what makes me strengthen my belief on Karma and destiny is the way he has recuperated. My fighter!! It took months of patience and love from the family to make him emerge as strong as he was before. But as they say, all’s well that ends well.

As I was shuttling between the hospital for The Brother and back home, a tiny little thing had entered my body and was starting a life. But unaware about anything else except the brother’s health, I had let myself overcome by grief. Wallowed in self-pity and prayed for some divine intervention to give me back my brother as he was before. All this was fairly heard by the little guardian angel inside my womb and before we could confirm the pregnancy, the Brother was discharged and was home.

Still, paranoid as I always am, I began worrying about whether the depressing thoughts and the constant crying would have hurt the foetus taking life in my womb. But the doctors were more than optimistic about my baby being perfectly fine since it was the initial stages of conception. This is just the reassurance I needed and coupled with the recovery of The Brother, made my year almost perfect.

One thing I have majorly learnt is not taking life for granted and counting my blessings thoroughly. Mr Husband has been my pillar of support in all these trying times and I am more than thankful about having him around. He is the one of the major reasons I haven’t lost my sanity this year. A man of few words, but awesome actions, he is the life support system I am proud to have. Of course, having an awesome family helps too! All the while, from battling life during the hospital visits to enjoying all the adulation and pampering during the course of my pregnancy, you know you are lucky when you have a family sharing sorrows and doubling happiness around!

2015 was indeed a teacher. And as 2016 starts off with the brother’s wedding and my entrance to parenthood, I am sure it’s going to be one hell of a year! Let the unknown remain unknown and wait for the shocks and surprises this year unfolds. After all, life is all about having to deal with drama and waiting for happy endings!

Lo and Behold, 2016, I await your arrival!

To Ban or Not to Ban

Too much is already said and done about the ban and against it. The Ban of meat for 4 days during the Jain festival – Paryushan. Someone feels it’s OK to appease Jainism by banning these foods because other religions are appeased by granting some favors as well. And other illiterates are displaying extreme ugliness by cooking chicken outside Jain places of worship. Ugh! MNS…how can you be so insensitive?!

I never felt the ban was correct in the first place. The Mira-Bhayandar court should have know better. I am a proud Jain myself. But Paryushan never meant imposing Jainism on others. Jainism is one of the religions that preaches the live and let live policy fervently. Moreover, the ban did not serve the purpose of saving innocent animals. For once you can never get meat lovers abstain from non vegetarian food. They may use packed and processed meat and store them for days on end. If not, the massacre of the animals will be on a huge scale after the ban is over, to satiate the need of the 4 days missed. In any case the animals will be slaughtered.

Also, it does no good to affect the livelihood of the butchers, many of who are living hand to mouth. A 4 day ban on the sale of their products might affect their financials to a considerable extent. They may bounce back with a vengeance unknown, to cover their losses. Because, of course the excess collections in the Jain temples these days will not be donated for the butchers’ household expenses. God forbid, this may end up killing more than a couple of days of animals saved.

I would more than prefer if we keep religions, politics and our respective egos aside. Rather than giving Paryushan a controversial angle, it would be better if we concentrate on the acts of penance during these sacred days. No God ever said anything in favour of imposition. And all Jainism taught is live and let live. Let us abide by that and not display our hypocritic side in the name of religion.

All said and done, the demonstration of burning chicken outside the Jain temples and societies is a horrible act of insensitivity. Some give this a leeway, saying this is a reaction to the ban. I say this is the sick mind of some jobless fools who wait for a chance to riot and oppose without applying a drop of their so called brain.

Case Rested.

Michaami Dukkadam 😀